So Ive seen a bunch of videos on YouTube titled "My Secrets" or "My Story". So this is mine. Just blog version. Here we go.
1. I am 16
2. My dad is in the military
3. He is currently deployed for a year and Im scared of losing him
4. Ive moved 11 times
5. I am a Christian. I don't believe in gay marriage, or abortion.
DONT STOP READING!!
6. Even though I don't believe in gay marriage, that doesn't mean I hate gay people. Also, I believe that everyone should be able to choose their life style and I would never vote against gay marriage. Just because I don't actively support it doesn't mean I am against it. If one of my friends told me that they were gay, I would tell (and have told) them that it doesn't change a thing and I will always love and support them.
7. Again, just because I am pro-life, doesn't mean I will hate anyone who is pro-choice. All of the above applies to abortion as well.
8. I was in a really bad friendship. I let my friends physically and emotionally abuse me for 3 years
9. Its hard for me to trust people because of the lies those friends told me
10. 2 1/2 years later, I still find it hard to see myself as beautiful because they always called me ugly
11. I push away and sometimes hurt the people close to me
12. I have seriously considered self-harm and even suicide
13. This is all a load of crap.
Not that these secrets aren't true. Every single one is 100% true. The crap is that after over 2 years, Im still letting these girls hurt me and in turn, its hurting my friendships. Im letting my past define my present, and Im wasting my life. It makes me so upset when I think about how there are people out there who are sick and dying, and then heres me, who is perfectly healthy with a (comparatively) awesome life. Those people who are sick would do anything to have my life and Im throwing away the gift of living. Even though I may think that my life kinda sucks because my dad is constantly in danger, and I feel like I am a worthless pile of crap sometimes, I still have it pretty good and I have NO RIGHT to think about taking my life.
But maybe you have it worse than me, and you very well might. Maybe you have lost someone close to you like a parent, or a cousin to cancer. Maybe you have cut or tried to commit suicide. Maybe you ran away from home and lived on the streets for a while. Maybe your parents are abusive. Maybe you don't have a family. Or maybe you lost a friend to suicide. Oh man. Ive been there with that last one. I know that can life hurt and that most of the time, its hard as hell. But we have a gift that people dying don't have. LIFE! We have the power to do so much and we don't do it. We as teens need to have the courage to push though even when life gets hard.
One of the reasons that I have never cut, smoked, done drugs, or attempted suicide is because I have a younger brother. And I know that I have to show him that when life gets hard, you have to push back just as hard. I need to set an example for him so that he knows that he can survive anything life throws at him. I have to show him that because I would die if he ever hurt himself. I have to be strong for my little brother, and all the kids I babysit.
So this blog post kinda strayed from a "My Secrets" post...but basically I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest, that our past does not define us, and even if that past is crappy, we have to push through.
Shoot me an email if you need to get something off your chest of if you just wanna talk. Id love to hear anything you want to tell me (:
christianaapple@gmail.com
Love Always,
Christiana Apple
